In about an hour, it'll be years since you were taken away from us. The world hasn't been the same without your laugh, your drumming and your smile. I'm proud to call myself your friend. I wish we knew each other longer, but I'm happy we spent so much time together when you were still here. :/ I can't wait to see you again.

Love you Carlos, I miss you so much dude.

:/

I'm just, so happy.

I love it.

Highs:

105.243 GPA on my report card
Seeing Ashleigh Carr at Starbucks three times in one day
Going to Starbucks three times in one days
Hanging out and having fun with awesome friends
Going to sleep happy

Lows:

My band director talking behind my back
My band director not respecting me
$50.08 to fill up my tank (it still had 1/4 tank left!
Realizing something I'm not good
Not living up to my own par
Still having to wait for forever for the Stanford decision

Bad:

Districts judges suck. I only agree with the scoring of my piano audition. Seriously, I'm not even bitter that I didn't make it, I'm bitter that they don't know how to judge.




Good:

30 more days until I hear from Stanford! Soooooo excited.

I hate relationships.

They hurt people.
They create hatred amongst friends.
They cause more problems than they do joys.

But yet, I still want one. But due to circumstances beyond my control, it is impossible.

My patience is wearing thin.

I'm sick of my parents not trusting me. I messed up 2 years ago, and they REALLY need to get over it. I never went to jail, I didn't get hurt (physically), I didn't hurt anyone else (physically)... They need to get over it.

I should be able to text without them interrogating me as to who it is. I mean c'mon, I don't have frickin' text conversations close to midnight. It's just Twitter and Facebook!

I should be able to stay out on a school night. I know my sleep needs better than they do. Who cares if they're sleeping when I get home? They should trust me.

I should be able to hang out with friends who they've never met before. I obviously won't be having sex, doing drugs, and wreaking havoc this close to my college application process.



Really Mom and Dad? Tell me what I can do to make this stop. NONE of my friends deal with this. And I'm MUCH more reputable that most of them. What do/did I do wrong to deserve this paranoia? I'm so ready to just give up, stay home forever.

I feels distance growing, and frankly, I don't think I have the willpower to fix it. I can't fix it, so I'm not gonna try.

They will probably read this and then give me some bs interrogation (sorry to use that word twice) about this.

Whatever.


I need a therapist to tell me I'm a good kid. I asked my mom to get me one before school started. Yeah, still hasn't happened. Guess who's just gonna look for one on his own?

This guy.





This is past love and care. This is just straight up paranoia. I shouldn't have to prove myself to the two people that should love me more than every other person on the earth.



All I want my parents to do is trust me. They tell me they do, but they're clearly lying.


Whatever, I can't frickin' wait to graduate.

I love using the laptops during school...and not doing the work I'm supposed to be doing.

Just kidding! :) I'm actually doing my work.



Oh yeah, 36 more days until I find out from Stanford! AHHHHHHHH!

If you like working out...

Check out bodybuilding.com. It's free, and they give you the beeeeest workouts to do. I went to the gym for two hours and felt SO good after.

Che-ch-che-che-che-ch-check it out.

La vie est belle...

I love when I'm happy.

Maybe everything isn't going right...

-like not feeling confident after a Bio test
-or almost falling asleep in class cause of a lack of sleep at night
-or only working 9 hours in a week

But for some strange reason, I still have a smile on my face.

I find out about Stanford in 42 days.
I'm working 17 hours next week, and 31.25 the week after that.
I'm content with most friendships.
I'm not fixated on anyone.
I'm accepting who I am, what I live for.
My lowest grade (I think) for the first term, was like, a 97.



La vie est belle. Vraiment.