So, what I got (that's notable) for Christmas...

-A new iPod (64 GB touch)
-A Barnes & Noble Nook (thanks Morgan!)
-Gran Turismo 5
-Glee: Season 1 on Blu-Ray
-$50 in Hooters Gift Cards
-The Fame and The Fame Monster (by Lady GaGa) music books
-New Converse
-A Jacoby Ellesbury jersey (Number 2!)


I got a bunch of other things too, but these are my favorites. I also made my mom cry with the Tiffany necklace I bought her. :)

I had the best Christmas...ever.

I just want it to be April. I'll know where I got into college and I can just move on with my life.


Also,
I'd very much like to graduate.


College will be less stressful.
Don't even try to tell me otherwise.

And surprise, surprise...I end up being the bad guy. Cool.

A somber return

I didn't get into Stanford.

I'm dealing with it well.

But I'm not okay with the fact that I'm no better than any of the other people who got rejected...no matter how much more qualified I was.

I'm not prepared for the people who are gonna make fun of me.

I am prepared to move on.

But, jeez, this really sucks.

In about an hour, it'll be years since you were taken away from us. The world hasn't been the same without your laugh, your drumming and your smile. I'm proud to call myself your friend. I wish we knew each other longer, but I'm happy we spent so much time together when you were still here. :/ I can't wait to see you again.

Love you Carlos, I miss you so much dude.

:/

I'm just, so happy.

I love it.

Highs:

105.243 GPA on my report card
Seeing Ashleigh Carr at Starbucks three times in one day
Going to Starbucks three times in one days
Hanging out and having fun with awesome friends
Going to sleep happy

Lows:

My band director talking behind my back
My band director not respecting me
$50.08 to fill up my tank (it still had 1/4 tank left!
Realizing something I'm not good
Not living up to my own par
Still having to wait for forever for the Stanford decision

Bad:

Districts judges suck. I only agree with the scoring of my piano audition. Seriously, I'm not even bitter that I didn't make it, I'm bitter that they don't know how to judge.




Good:

30 more days until I hear from Stanford! Soooooo excited.

I hate relationships.

They hurt people.
They create hatred amongst friends.
They cause more problems than they do joys.

But yet, I still want one. But due to circumstances beyond my control, it is impossible.

My patience is wearing thin.

I'm sick of my parents not trusting me. I messed up 2 years ago, and they REALLY need to get over it. I never went to jail, I didn't get hurt (physically), I didn't hurt anyone else (physically)... They need to get over it.

I should be able to text without them interrogating me as to who it is. I mean c'mon, I don't have frickin' text conversations close to midnight. It's just Twitter and Facebook!

I should be able to stay out on a school night. I know my sleep needs better than they do. Who cares if they're sleeping when I get home? They should trust me.

I should be able to hang out with friends who they've never met before. I obviously won't be having sex, doing drugs, and wreaking havoc this close to my college application process.



Really Mom and Dad? Tell me what I can do to make this stop. NONE of my friends deal with this. And I'm MUCH more reputable that most of them. What do/did I do wrong to deserve this paranoia? I'm so ready to just give up, stay home forever.

I feels distance growing, and frankly, I don't think I have the willpower to fix it. I can't fix it, so I'm not gonna try.

They will probably read this and then give me some bs interrogation (sorry to use that word twice) about this.

Whatever.


I need a therapist to tell me I'm a good kid. I asked my mom to get me one before school started. Yeah, still hasn't happened. Guess who's just gonna look for one on his own?

This guy.





This is past love and care. This is just straight up paranoia. I shouldn't have to prove myself to the two people that should love me more than every other person on the earth.



All I want my parents to do is trust me. They tell me they do, but they're clearly lying.


Whatever, I can't frickin' wait to graduate.

I love using the laptops during school...and not doing the work I'm supposed to be doing.

Just kidding! :) I'm actually doing my work.



Oh yeah, 36 more days until I find out from Stanford! AHHHHHHHH!

If you like working out...

Check out bodybuilding.com. It's free, and they give you the beeeeest workouts to do. I went to the gym for two hours and felt SO good after.

Che-ch-che-che-che-ch-check it out.

La vie est belle...

I love when I'm happy.

Maybe everything isn't going right...

-like not feeling confident after a Bio test
-or almost falling asleep in class cause of a lack of sleep at night
-or only working 9 hours in a week

But for some strange reason, I still have a smile on my face.

I find out about Stanford in 42 days.
I'm working 17 hours next week, and 31.25 the week after that.
I'm content with most friendships.
I'm not fixated on anyone.
I'm accepting who I am, what I live for.
My lowest grade (I think) for the first term, was like, a 97.



La vie est belle. Vraiment.

Starbucks and SATs

Well, today I got my subject test scores back (very late, I might add). Here they are, in the order I took them:

CHEMISTRY
650

MATH LEVEL 2
710

LITERATURE
630

Ehh, not too bad. I got called into Starbucks, which made me happy after these okay scores.

Also, I NEED to raise my regular SAT scores this November (next Saturday...ahhh!). I wanna be number one.

Goal:

CRITICAL READING
700

MATH
800

WRITING
750

COMPOSITE
2250


Dream big.




Also, 48 days 'til I find out about Stanford.

Well...

It's easy to put on a happy face, let the world think that everything's okay.

It's easy to smile when your heart is broken.

It's easy to keep moving as if nothing was in your way.



It's difficult to admit something's wrong.

It's difficult to sit down and say, "I need to fix this."





I haven't had a good cry in a while, and it's taking a toll on me.

Love/Hate

Things I love:

All Time Low/A Rocket to the Moon concerts in 200-person-max-capacity venues

Working at Starbucks

Going to the movies

Drinking Starbucks drinks

Sleeping

Hooters/UFC



Things I hate:

Getting ditched

Not getting sleep

Massive amounts of homework

Getting ditched

So, sending my Stanford app in was the biggest relief of my life. Seriously, I let out a ten-second sigh.

Arts Supplements Recordings

Just click and listen!

Prelude No. 4 in D
S. Rachmaninoff
http://www.zshare.net/audio/815616301c5051d6/

Toccata
A. Khatchaturian
http://www.zshare.net/audio/815616674cb56f59/

Regarding my future...

Sitting on my loveseat, writing my CommonApp Essay...
Yeah, this makes me think.

I'm writing an essay about the most emotional time of my life, and it's hard.
But it makes me realize how far I've come as a person.

But thinking about college, applyin' to college, and such...
(Excuse my French) Holy shit.


Honestly, I don't know if I'm ready to grow up. I'm gonna miss home so much. I miss childhood already. I hate growing old. Soon I'm going to be moving out, making my own life. I really wonder what it'll be like. Will I be successful? Will I be happy?

Also, thinking of college ACCEPTANCE is unnerving.
Here are the ten colleges I'm applying to, along with a brief commentary on each:

1) Stanford University
Easily my top choice. I'm going to major in biochem (well, if I go to Stanford, major in chem and minor in bio), and they just happen to have the number one bio and chem departments in the country. Convenient! Also, the campus is gorgeous, the people are nice...everything is perfect.
Reported Acceptance Rate: 7%

2) Brown University
Also a beaultiful campus, and Providence is an awesome city. I realllllllllllly love it there (I've visited twice), and I could definitely see myself going there. I don't think I'll get in, but I can dream.
Reported Acceptance Rate: 10%

3) Worcester Polytechnic University
Better known as WPI. It's beautiful, and an awesome school, especially for sciences. Two friends go there, which would make things fun. I really loved my overnight there, and I really think the school would be a good fit for me. However, they SUCK with financial aid, which would be an issue. Whatevzzz.
Reported Acceptance Rate: ~61%

4) Columbia University
Honestly? It's in Manhattan, and it's an Ivy. They're excellent with financial aid, and come on...MANHATTAN. So awesome.
Reported Acceptance Rate: 9%

5) Harvard University
Yeah, I'm applyin' here. My uncle works in the astrophysics department, which could help. I love Boston so much, and Harvard is GORGEOUS. And come on, it's Harvard! I know I'd get a good education there.
Reported Acceptance Rate: 6.5%

6) Boston University
Right next to Fenway, basically, and all down Commonwealth Ave. It's sooooo pretty, and an awesome school for sciences. Also, I have a couple friends going there. Woot!
Reported Acceptance Rate: 55%

7) Johns Hopkins University
I'm in love with Baltimore, and Johns Hopkins has an excellent premed program, as well as science programs. I would love to go here.
Reported Acceptance Rate: ~25%

8) Tufts University
Again, Boston is fantastic. Tufts is EXCELLENT in the fields of science, and they have a fantastic med school.
Reported Acceptance Rate: ~22%

9) University of Massachusetts: Amherst
This school really gets downplayed by WHS students, because SO many of them go there. But seriously, the school is SO good in the sciences. Also, I looooooove Amherst, and so so so many of my friends go there, or to a school in the general vicinity.
Reported Acceptance Rate: ~67%

10) University of Chicago
They sent me SO many letters in the mail and via email, and I just had to look at it. One of my friends goes there, and she recommended it heavily. My parents are in love with Chicago. It's an amazing school. And I love even numbers, so I chose this as my tenth school.
Reported Acceptance Rate: ~22%



I honestly only think I'll get into BU, WPI, and UMass, but I've worked SO SO SO hard all of my life, and I really hope I get into something a bit more selective. I mean, I'd be sooooo happy to be with any of those three, but I just worked too hard for something I could've gotten with a 93 GPA and an 1800 on my SATs.

Whatever. Everything'll be fine.
Just fine.

NEVER take the SAT Subject Tests in Chem and Math 2 on the same day.

Jussayin'.

Predictions:

Math 2: 770
Chem: 700
Lit: 700

Some nights I just freak out cause I feel inadequte beyond all comparison and I feel like I've worked so hard for nothing and I feel like I'm just going to end up adequate when I grow older and I won't be special but I've made it a point to be unique and to stand out from the crowd but now all I feel like is that I'll never amount to anything more than a middle class single man who dies alone and unhappy.

Please, someone help me.

Freaking out about college.

It sucks.

Honestly, the two best things happened to my life in this past week: my job at Starbucks and working out every day at Planet Fitness.

At Starbucks I feel like I belong there, like the people there like me. Also, it means a lot of money, which will conquer my fears of not having money.

At Planet, I feel accomplished. I feel like I'll stay skinny for a while, and maybe even gain more muscle.




Ugh, I'm sorry that this isn't eloquent, by my happiness trumps my need for the right word.

I love when something comes straight outta left field. I better not make an error this time around.

I just want the Dow Jones to be over 11000.00 again. And Google back up to 700.00.

Please, Stock Market, for me?

Yummy

I could live off of Soy Pumpkin Spice Lattes.

Seriously.

Starbucks!

I had my first day at Starbucks. I can't even explained how happy I am that I work there. Seriously, like...total loss for words.

Perks:
-3 free drinks per shift
-30% discount on off days
-great team
-okay pay, with raises
-umm, free drinks!?
-awesome boss
-always get to meet new people
-good amount of hours
-FREE DRINKS!

Drawbacks:
-Why didn't I start working here sooner!?



I love life. So much.

Andrew and I are becoming besties again, and I'm really happy. I missed having a best guy friend like him. Also, BChames and I are starting to talk again, and that only means one thing: awesome sleepovers with him and Andrew. Yes!

I wonder if I should tell her I like her. I'm not her type, I know, but I have this overwhelming attraction to her. We get along so well, and we just, connect.

Hmm...

Okay, I fell asleep last night at frickin' 10:00, I should NOT be more tired than I would be if I went to sleep at midnight.

Rollercoaster

I really wish life would be stable; it always seems to be filled with ups and downs.

The WHS band had a FANTASTIC first football game. We learned movements for two songs (in previous years, only one song was done by the first game), and we didn't look/sound too bad! Also, the Bombers were supposed to get WHOOPED by this team from New Jersey. But the final score was 26-0, Bombers. Good job guys! I got to see Sammy and Morgan And Sage and Brie at the game. I missed them all so much!

Then things went a little downhill...

I was supposed to meet with the three other drum majors after the game, but that didn't work out, because Evan ditched our plans (which we made a week in advance) to hang out with a girl I don't even think is that good for him. But who am I to say? So, on the bright side, I got to hang out with Sammy, which was awesome.

Oh! I forgot, this past Thursday there was a school dance: the Bomber Pride Dance. I went decked out in black skinny jeans, my black Drum Major polo, a red undershirt, black shoes and a red and black bandana. I definitely had the most Bomber pride. :P The dance was CRAZY. It was my first informal dance since freshman year (every year of high school I've gone to prom, and last year I also went to semi), and probably my last--excluding all of the senior events. Basically, it was all drunk people making out and like, having sex on the dance floor. Kinda gross, eh? I danced so hardcore all night though, and boyyyyy was I sweaty!

I've been doing a good job with keeping up on all of my work. I even studied 40 pages SAT Chem tonight! Intense, I know.

I went to see Devil today. Not terrible, but I definitely should've waited for Blu-Ray.

Well, I'll say more later, I'm kind of tired, not gonna lie.

The Contradiction in Life

I'm the newest partner at the Westfield Starbucks! Honestly, it's my dream job. Also, I'll be able to transfer to whatever Starbucks
is near to the college I attend! It's perfect, really.

But there's not such thing as an up without a down.

I used to hear "shoot for your dreams" and "if you work for it you can achieve it." Now I hear "let's consider all of the options" and "we'll do what we can."

I'm glad I worked so hard an stretched myself out so thin just to be safe.

Awesome.

CommonApp, O how I hate you...

So I finished my CommonApp essay. It's good. I would love to put it on here...but I don't know how. It's so late. Ugh. I'll figure it out later.

The Post You've All Been Waiting For...

Okay, this took me so long to post because I was just...unnervingly busy the last four weeks of summer. Also, I've been assimilating into being a senior.

Well, I'll go over my summer first, in chronological order. My last post was about Warped, so I'll go from there.

In July, I went to New Orleans. I was going for the Lutheran Church: Missouri Synod National Youth Gathering (also known as the LCMS NYG). If you don't know what LCMS is, it's a branch of Lutheranism. The National Youth Gathering is a well, gathering, of over 25,000 Lutheran teenagers. It happens every three years, and I was so excited that it was in New Orleans. I'd never been there, and I was excited to try real Cajun food, hearing a street jazz band, and walk through the French Quarter. I got to do all three! I got to hear a brass jazz band...on Bourbon Street. Soooooo awesome. I walked down Bourbon with our group at like, 10:00 on a Friday night. WHOLE lotta drunks. It was surreal walking to and from the Super Dome (where the mass event was every night; the mass event is the only time where all the people attending the Gathering are in the same place). We did a service the last night of the Gathering (not our last night in NOLA--New Orleans), with all 25,000 people. It was, hands down, the most powerful event I have ever witnessed. Seeing everone take communion was amazing. I can't even describe the service to you guys, because it would not serve it justice. It was the most amazing thing ever. EVER. Sorry for the lack of eloquence there, but I'm at a loss for words just thinking about it. I heard many awesome speakers, including a mother of a girl who died at 18 years old in a car accident, not even a year before the Gathering, also a woman explaining the terrors of STDs, devoid of an in-your-face religious approach. So excellent. Other memorable instances of the trip were making friends with the girls from Kansas (I love them!), eating at Emeril Lagasse's restaurant NOLA, and becoming really close friends with Virginia, Jenna and Dan.

In August, I went to California. The main intent of the trip was to attend my cousin Mark's wedding. The wedding was GORGEOUS, and on a perfect day. I looked excellent, because I gotta new shirt, some new shoes (so awesome), and a new tie. Haha, not to be cocky... :P But I love Elise, his bride, 'cause she's so nice. But the secondary reason we went to visit some colleges, specifically UC Berkeley and Stanford. I did NOT like Berkeley. It was a FANTASTIC school, but it was just soooooooo ugly. And I didn't like that housing was only guaranteed for two years. And that it's a state school, so I'd get NO financial aid. Also, they would be the only school that I'd be applying to that doesn't use the CommonApp. So ridic. BUT ON THE BRIGHTER SIDE: Stanford. Let it sink in: Stanford. It is God's gift to college-bound students. It is THE perfect school. It's gorgeous on so many levels. They have the best website I've visited while researching colleges (http://www.stanford.edu). I visited on a cloudless, sunny day, 78 degrees outside. The breathtaking palm trees, stucco-and-red-brick architecture are just...agh. Coolest fact: At the Beijing Olympics in 2008, 49 students and alum from Stanford particapted, and 25 won medals. So cool, right? Also, the have the number one (yeah, #1) biology and chemistry departments in the country. Considering the fact that those are two of the most important subjects in ANY major I'm going into, it's MY college. I need to go there. I love the area, the 8,190 acre campus...everything. Please, God, let me get in there. I've worked SO hard for it. I need it. :)

My last four weeks of summer consisted of NOTHING but summer work. So much Bio, Chem, English... ugh. I did get to go see The Phantom of the Opera on Broadway, with Morgan (Markel). It was so much fun walikng around Times Square with her. She's really one of my best friends, since sixth grade. We've been through so much together, and I'm really missing her right now. She's in Michigan, at Interlochen, an art school. She deserves it though, it'll open up so many doors for her future in music. I love her. :)

I read my favorite book over the summer: Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer. I'm not gonna talk about it, besides that you should read it.

School is AWESOME this year. I'll go through my schedule:

A period: AP Calculus AB. I love this class. I like math a lot, I got 100 on the first two quizzes, and Mr. Williams--the teacher--is so delightfully mad. I'm excited for the rest of the year.

B period: AP Biology. If you were to look up "sweetheart" in the dictionary, Ms. Pawul's picture would be right next to the definition. She's amazing, and makes the subject so awesome.

C period: AP Chemistry. This is probably going to be my favorite class of the year. I love Mr. Tyler, so much. And chem is easily my favorite subject to study. I also think I was the only one to get a 100 on the first test. But I'm not sure.

D period: Honors Physics. Honestly, I'm still bitter I have this class. I know I needed to take physics for college reasons, but I'm still pissed I don't have AP French V during this period. But the Buckster (Mr. Buckley) isn't too bad. And it's the easiest class ever. Jussayin'.

E period: Labs and Jazz Ensemble. I have labs for my three science classes Monday, Wednesday and Thursday, and I have jazz the other two days.

F period: AP English: Literature and Composition. I love Randy TeVelde. We started off the year by watching a clip from Inglourious Basterds. 'Nuff said.

G period: Wind Ensemble. I love being Drum Major. I love leading. I hate how PK doesn't give me any credit for the unbelievable amount of work I put into everything. It really ticks me off. SO much. But, he's usually a cool dude. I just, wish I would get a little appreciation. But I can do without.



So, that's it I guess. I'm not gonna talk about people too much here, because I don't like the drama. I am happy Morgan (Drewniany; best friend) and Andrew broke up. Is that bad? She was so unhappy so much of the time they were dating, and now he's acting like her boyfriend, but without the title. I mean, c'mon. Choose one dude. You can't have her as more than a friend without the title. Back off, 'cause I'm gonna get really defensive really soon.







I hope you liked this post everyone! Now that this big one is outta the way, I can start posting regularly now. Woot!

Sorry everyone

I'm sorry that I haven't posted in like, forevz. My life has been, hectic and it's been impossible to take anytime to write on my blog.

BUUUUUUUUUUT

Stay tuned for about five to six days. I'll post the night after the first day of school. I'll have time then. :)

Warped '10

So I went to my first Warped Tour today. Here are my impressions, band by band:

Breathe Carolina: They'd be good if I knew any of their music. What I heard I liked a lot.

Hey Monday
Definitely one of my favorite bands to see live. I even got them to sign stuff! I wanna marry Cassadee, srsly. She's even prettier up close!

Automatic Loveletter
I kinda wish I could see them again, and watch their whole set. Juliette is SUCH a good singer, but she's kind of a hoe on stage. But ya know, whatevz. :P

The Cab: Really good, as always. The singer of The Summer Set came out to sing with them! Melina got their signatures for her sister.

Ace Enders: I would rather ingest radioactive waste than watch them again.

Never Shout Never
Eh, he played good songs today, but his fangirls piss me off to the extreme, as well as his self. But his songs are cute and fun to sing along with.

We The Kings
I didn't really "watch" them. I just heard them while waiting in a line. But I heard Secret Valentine and Check Yes Juliet, which are my favorite songs by them, so...no bad things to say here.

The Summer Set
AGH, so good. As always. I love them so much. They covered You Belong With Me (I'm a sucker for T-Swift)! I wanna see them again and again and again and again and again.

Attack Attack!
HOLY SHIT (excuse my language). That crowd was CRAZY. The mosh pit was the size of a VERY large swimming pool, and its borders were right near me! I was very scared. Not to mention the fact that at one time there would never be any less than 10 crowd surfers at one time. Their music is REALLY good though, so I might wanna go see a show sometime. I just don't wanna get punched. Decisions, decisions...

MAYDAY PARADE
EASILY my favorite band today. Actually, my favorite band ever. The show was FANTASTIC. They played all of the good songs (then again, there's no such thing as a bad Mayday Parade song). The energy during EVERY song was...immeasurable. The fans of Mayday Parade are EASILY the most dedicated and loyal of any band out there. Even though they were on the smallest stage there (Why!? I don't know), it was one of the largest crowds. But seriously, every song was perfect. Anywhere But Here and Jersey actually gave me goosebumps...they were that good. I wanna see them at every single show near me until the day I die. AGH THEY WERE SO GOOD.

We Are The In Crowd
Eek! They're fantastic. If you don't know this band, do the following steps:
1) Slap yourself.
2) Look them up on iTunes.
They're amazing. So much energy for sucha small crowd! I met them after, too. :) :) :) Eeeeeeeeek! I can't wait to see them again.


Well, those were the bands I saw. Can't wait for next year! I'll try to spend less money... :P

Yay, I love when life goes well.

So, here's what happened in my life lately.

- Andrew and I have started to hang out again. I'm so happy to have my best (guy) friend back. We just sat and talked for like, 2 hours...nonstop. It felt just like it did last year. I loved it.

- I'm starting to reconnect with Katherine. We were friend waaaaaaaay back in elementary school (ahh, good ole Paper Mill), but then she skipped a grade and we drifted. However, she's friends with all of my sen10r girls, which brought us closer together. She's awwwwwesome. :)

- I'm becoming closer with Sam, Tara's boyfriend, lately too. I love him! He's so funny and nice, and he and Tara are adorable together. Also...he loves Zelda. He and I will be best friends; it's destined.

- BChames and I are planning to hang out on Tuesday night, which will be the first time since...Pops?I don't know, 'cause it was so long ago. I miss having the trio (me, him, Andrew). Maybe we'll become the fearsome threesome again (no sexual double entendres intended, pervs).

- Steve and I are planning to have Starbucks together on Monday night. Maybe it'll give us a chance to talk, on topics other than his obsession with WPI (:P). He's sucha chill guy, I wanna be really good friends with him.



On another note, I'm working tomorrow with Julie and...my sister. It's so weird thinking of my sister having a job. I mean, it's good because she'll have money, but at the same time--I don't know--I feel like she's still a kid (even though she's only two years younger than me). I wish she didn't have to work. I feel bad. She gets so stressed over money, so maybe this'll be better for her. Hopefully.

Goodnight errbody.

BAMBOOZLE ROADSHOW

So, I'm lying in bed, reflecting on my day. I was at the Bamboozle Roadshow, this concert that probably has over 20 bands playing, with two stages, a boatload of people, and a BUNCH of ways to spend money. Though I won't talk about the money spending, I'll gush about the bands. All of them (well, that I saw).

Mercy Mercedes
Ehh, they sound MUCH better recorded, but they weren't bad live. I probably wouldn't go out of my way to see them.

Stereo Skyline
Now, THESE guys were fantastic. It was my second time seeing them, and they really do put on a good show. I love Brian particularly; he's the most animated when he's performing. I gotta picture with them (and Meaghan, my sister) in their tent after their set. I would definitely love to see them again.

The Ready Set
Easily the second best band I saw today. The singer has SO much energy when he performs, and he can sing more quickly than any other person I know. They played my favorite song, and I sang along to the whole thing. I bought a shirt by them, and got the singer to sign it. I definitely definitely definitely wanna see them again. Soon.

Forever The Sickest Kids
Ehh, okay. Nothing to gush about. I like their stuff, but their performance wasn't all that great.

Good Charlotte
AGH, I loved seeing them again. They played ONLY good songs, and it really brought me back to my childhood years. Those guys basically composed my entire listening library in fifth and sixth grade. I loved the nostalgia that surge through me when they played The Anthem. Their show wasn't all that exciting, but they sounded amazing.

Simple Plan
Basically the same thing as Good Charlotte. Sadly, I missed some of their set 'cause I was walking around. But what I heard was good.

Third Eye Blind
They were...decent. I loved the three songs I knew. During Jumper, Alex Gaskarth (from All Time Low) came out and started singing it. Honestly, it made my life.

LMFAO
I went into this set not wanting to hear a word that came out of these guys' mouths. But luckily, I listened. Their stuff is so catchy and fun to listen/dance to! A MOB of people formed right near us, around this old drunk guy who was dancing. It was awesome. The energy in the audience during Shots was INTENSE. I loved every minute of it.

ALL TIME LOW
MY FAVORITE SET OF THE ENTIRE NIGHT. Honestly, I forgot how fantastic they are. I hadn't seen them since last April (of 2009), and boy, did I miss them. Though they aren't my favorite band anymore, I still belted out all of the lyrics to every song. I loved Alex's and Jack's sexual, vulgar banter during the set, as well as everything from te lights to the smoke to the people around me dancing. I would see them again in a heartbeat. 1,000 times.

Boys Like Girls
Ehh, they were okay. The lead singer would randomly, weirdly scream. I wasn't a fan. Thunder was unbelievably powerful though.


I had such a good night. I can't wait for Warped Tour in (about) two weeks!

Well, I don't know how this is all gonna fit in one post...

I've experienced a great amount of turbulence since my last post.
So here's a quick synopsis, not necessarily in any specific order.

1) Junior year is done. Thank the lord.

2) I got drum major!

3) I've realized lately that maybe I don't hate relationships so much. I mean, they do end in heartbreak and emotional distress (ususally), but maybe all of it is worth it if you get that feeling that kids my age usually associate with love. Ya know? That feeling that somebody needs you, the feeling that you get when you press your lips to that significant other's lips. Maybe I need that. Maybe I hate them 'cause the only relationship I was actually was terrible, and ended terribly. Maybe I could actually be happy with someone. But I can't help thinking: maybe I only want a relationship 'cause all of the people I would want to be in a realtionship with are in one.

4) I went to church with Kimmi the other day. While I was not particularly fond of the church itself (it wasn't Lutheran, and I also have a subconscious problem with all churches), I loved the people that went there, as well as the speaker that was there. I didn't attend a regular service, but a special service in which Greg Hubbard, a renowned speaker, made a speech on the grace of Heaven and the treachery of Hell. Seriously, it moved me. While he wasn't the best speaker I've ever heard, and though I didn't agreed with all of his messages, his overlying argument changed my life. At one point in the speech thing, he called all of the people up to the altar who felt they had been disconnected in some way from God. I went up, and when he offered to all of us at the altar (only about 25 people out of all 450+ people at the service) to proclaim their faith into the microphone, I even did that. It felt really good. I don't know why, but something happened in me. Though I don't feel closer to the church, I feel miles (heck, maybe lightyears) closer to God. Though I may not agree with all of the teachings in the Bible, I feel like God loves me now more than ever, and he'll never let me go to Hell. I'm so happy I went to that service. I'm gonna try to go to Revo (the youth service) on the 14th.

5) I don't really know who I am anymore. I know most of what I stand for, and I know what I'm capable of, and I know the impact I have on the world around me, but I don't feel like I'm fully comfortable with myself. I don't know the people I love. I don't know who my friends are. I don't know who actually likes me and who uses me for things. I don't know who's proud of me. I don't know if my parents/(sister?)/extended family really want me to live my life the way I want to, or if they just want me to live so I make them happy. Seriously, I can't wait to start my own life in college, or beyond, so I can make my own decisions with no one in mind my me, myself and I. You think that's selfish? You can suck it. :*

6) I've accepted I'll never be the best, but I'm happy being one of the best. It's nice being exceptional, even if I'm not the top.

7) I miss a lot of friends I had/have that I haven't talked to in a while. I hate not being connected. I hate losing friends. I hate drifting. I'm on a mission to reconnect with every single one. Why? I don't know.

8) I've just felt...weird lately. I've been depressed when I'm alone, but when I'm with my friends, I feel on top of the world. I need to be more stable.

9) I want to be in a relaitonship. I like to many people though. Who would I choose? Who would even want me?

10) On the bright side: it's summer! I'm so happy. I get to sleep in most of the time, and I have so much less work than in school (ahh damn summer work!).


Other random notes:

- I can't wait for new episodes of Degrassi...even though I'll be gone for the first couple.
- I'm desperately in love with Lady Gaga. That woman is genius. I've realilzed this before, but I REALLY realized it now.
- I miss my best friend. Though she's moving back, I feel like she and I won't be the same anymore. I don't know why, but I hate it.
- I watched Requiem for a Dream the other day. Everyone needs to see it. It's intense; like, the most intense movies I've ever seen.
- I picked my three college scholarship/application piano songs.
1) Toccata in Eb -- Aram Khatchaturian
2) Impromptu in Eb, Op. 90 No. 2 -- Franz Schurbert
3) Rondo a Capriccio in G "Rage Over a Lost Penny" -- Ludwig van Beethoven



I apologize for how erratic this post is. But hey, I can't be eloquent all the time. :P

Ahh, when the dawn breaks...

When today started, I was certain that it'd be the worst day ever.
-I woke up with no energy
-My sister and I left late
-I had two tests...the first two periods of the day
-I had to work on my chem review packet, cause my teacher wanted the first five pages done (I was not aware of this), during The Virgin Suicides
-I found out that we only had to do the first three pages of the packets
-I took the hardest test I've ever taken...the last AP Government test

But, there were some good things that happened. I got my AP Bio summer work. Now, you're probably asking why that's good news. Well, it's gonna be fun! It's easy. We have to create an ecosystem! It's gonna be sooooooooooo much fun.


And, for one time in my life, I'm actually happy. Why?






I GOT DRUM MAJOR.

Along with three of my best friends: Olivia, Melina and Evan. I'm so happy with the choices. We're gonna ROCK it next year. It will be the best year the WHS Band has ever seen. Hands Down. No ifs, ands or buts. Period.

:)!

Realizations

I hate when realizations come out of left field and smack you directly in the face.

I realized today that I'm going to be a senior next year. I'm applying for drum major. I'm planning out clubs' futures. I'm talking about college recommendations.

I realized that my best buddy (Sammy) is going to college next year. That will officially make both of my besties college students.

But, there is one good realization: I realized that my other best friend (Morgan) should be moving back into her house in less than three weeks. That means I'll be able to see her everyday, like last summers!

I just wish I realized things more quickly.

Wreck

Lately, I've been such an emotional wreck. It kills me that I'm never the best. I'm always second. It's such a slap in the face.

I hate when people put me up on this high pedestal, saying that I'm "amazing" and "talented" and "awesome." I'm not. I'm not great. I'm not even good. I'm only, adequate. Seriously? I'm sick of people comparing themselves to me. Live on your own. Who the hell cares if you got a better grade than me on a test? Who the hell cares if you were accepted to something I was rejected from? Besides you that is.

I'm gonna change from now on. My senior year will be the best of my life. I'm gonna tell it like it is. I'm gonna figure out who my best friends are. I'm gonna figure out what makes me happy. I'm sick of pleasing other people. I'm sick of people taking advantage of how nice I am, and how friendly I am, and how I won't retaliate. To all of you who take advantage of me in any way, shape or form, I would like to give you a bit of advice: beware. Things are changing, and you won't get away with that shit anymore.

I need to find what makes me happy. I'm sick of feeling like I'm not good enough. I'm sick of crying, especially when it isn't provoked.

I'm sick of the way I live life now...
I need to change things.

SAT: Round 2

Critical Reading: 680
Math: 700
Writing: 700

TOTAL: 2080

Yaaaaaaaay! I've officially made the minimum for most Ivy Leagues. :)

Omission

Really, deleting someone from your life is kinda soothing. Well, in all ways possible so he/she doesn't know you're trying to purge them out of your thoughts.




On a side note, Glee hit home again with its insane Pathos. Good job Ryan Murphy.

Also, if you wanna hear me play some piano, go to yapccontest.com, click on Winner's Concert, and find me (Isaac McClure). :)

Seriously,

If I hear one more whine, I'm going to kill someone. Just make a legitimate complaint, it's a lot more respectable.

Trois Choses

So, I'm with Sammy (Clarke, my best guy friend), and we're watching this trippy horror movie (which I will discuss in about two milliseconds). With this in mind, I have three pieces of advice to...advise you of.

1) Always take time out of your schedule to hang out with your best friends. Whether it's all of them together or just one at a time; always take time to be with them. It'll make you the one sane person in this insane society.

2) Go to Hooters if you need to unwind. Some hot, extremely friendly (no double entendres intended) women, delicious hot wings and an infinite amount of TVs, mixed with your best buddies: that's the best way to kick back and have a great time.

3) Never watch The Collector. This is my second time seeing it. It'll make you have a heart attack. It's a terrible movie. Morally. The writing is genius, in a way. I mean, no movie has ever made me freak out as much as this movie did/does. It's not even scary! It's just SO intense that it's almost impossible to not like, freak the hell out while watching it. I watch the movie shaking, freaking about not knowing what's going to happen next; and I've already seen it! Seriously, no movie makes me cringe...except this one. I mean, if you wanna be thoroughly freaked out and possibly have an aneurism, feel free to rent it (at least do the Blu-Ray, to get some money's worth). But honestly, I may die if I watch this movie a third movie.


With that, O my brothers, I bid you a dandy farewell, and a pleasent goodnighty.

Je suis confusé

I should hate you
More than I hate broccoli.
But when you talk to me...

The world stops,
Your smile lights the darkness
Set deep into my mind

And your eyes
Untie the stress
Built up over the year


Jeez, your like a flashlight and some ibuprofen.
Maybe that's why I like you so much.

Woah.

Okay, I don't care if you've ever seen Glee, but jeez, you really need to start. It's the best show ever aired...honestly. No show will make you laugh or cry as hard as this one does.

Seriously, holy frickin' Pathos.

Watch the video. Seriously.
http://www.fancast.com/tv/Glee/103049/1491934418/Laryngitis/videos





PS: I took the AP Language and Composition exam today. Predictions: 4 or 5. Yeah, suck it.

Oh, the sweet taste of satisfaction

Ya know, you make me so angry. Here's a list of why:

1) You post these entries on Tumblr expressing how you hate Westfield because it brings memories of your old life.

2) You go on to detailing said memories, which are clearly specified as times with me.

3) You don't even mention my name.

4) You say "people" you love, but you explicitly said you didn't love me.

Ya know, I'm actually happy you hurt when you recall the parking lots and the drives we took. Am I a bad person for thinking this? It shows that I actually had some impact on you. Too bad you didn't realize it when you actually had me.

Ya know, you're not really "over me." If you were, you wouldn't hate your home. You wouldn't feel "bittersweet." You wouldn't feel anything.

Ya know, I've realized what love is. It never included you. Love doesn't include fighting, and tears, and insults, and yelling, and "Fuck you"s. Love is kisses and hugs and sweet nothings whispered into each other's ear. Now, we had some of that, but not anymore than what love doesn't include.

Ya know, I'm so happy we're done with. I'm happy to know that you feel like I'm the reason you hate Westfield. I'm glad I'm the reason you wish you could just stay away from here all together.

Fuck you, too.




P.S. To all my friends (the real ones): Thanks for being there for me. For keeping me sane. For making me laugh. For giving me a shoulder to cry on. I hope that I have treated you well enough to deserve your unfailing support and loyalty. Love you all.

Okay, so hey!

Okay, I know I haven't actually posted anything besides formspring posts in like, the last eon, so I'm gonna introduce myself again, right now. I'm going to start posting a lot more frequently than I was before. I actually have a life now, so this will be easy. Posts will range from poetry, to short story ideas, to ideologies I have in mind, to what happened in my day, to random babbling that may make me sound like a drug addict because of its nonsense. Everything is a surprise on thelifeonanisaac!

So, my name is Isaac Thomas McClure. I hate my first name. It's Aramaic, and it may look familiar, and that's 'cause it's from the first book of the Bible. Yeah, my father tries to kill, in the first section of the most famous book in the world. Great. It's so ugly, and harsh. I do like that it means "Cheerful faith," however. I have a wooden sign on my door that says what it means and a verse from the Bible. But, I really wish my name was Christian. I don't know why, I just think I could pull it off really really well. It's such a classy, fantastic name.

If you couldn't tell by that second paragraph, I'm a fairly devout Missouri Synod Lutheran. However, my faith seems to be like a rollercoaster: sometimes I'm more devout than any other person on the face of the Earth, while other times I wish that I was Agnostic. I love God, and I have no doubt in my mind that his son, our Lord Jesus Christ, was incarnate by the Holy Spirit in the Virgin Mary to die for our sins (yes, that was supposed to sound like part of the Nicene/Apostle's Creed). However, I do not like the church. People run the church, not God. I do not have full faith in the church because I don't have full faith in man. Man has messed up too many times for me to fully trust him. I only trust God and Jesus. Becuase of this lack of trust in man, I don't believe in all of the Bible. I believe that everything in it happened at one point or another, but I don't agree with the messages that people have exumed from its text. The Bible is supposed to convey a message of hope, faith and love. Not one of hate. I don't agree with the forbidding of homosexuality or abortion, or the blind honor to authority that Martin Luther (in his catechism) explained. The Catholic Church, before the time of the Reformation and even today molds the Word to fit its own personal desires, and almost all of Chirstianity is based off the Catholic mindset. Honestly, I just don't think I'll ever be the Christian I'd like to be, because I just can't bring myself ot agree with half of its teachings. I don't believe that everything interpreted from the Bible is exactly what God intended: I believe man twisted God's intention to fit his own twisted wants.

If you couldn't tell from that paragraph, I'm quite liberal. I'm a Democrat. I believe in a stron, central government and weak state governments. A country is a country due its government. Without a central government and separate state governments, the "country" would be more of a Confederation. I'm pro-choice. I'm pro-gay marriage. I don't think regular civilians should be able to bear arms. I do agree with capital punishment.

Now, this is gonna get tangent-y.

I love the idea of karma and reincarnation. I don't know if I necessarily believe in it, but I would love to be reincarnated as an animal or as a president or something.

I play seven instruments. I love all of them, almost equally, but my clear cut favorite to play is piano. I have excelled greatly in piano. After only playing for 3.5 years I achieved 2nd place at Saturday's Young Artist Piano Competition against other 17 year olds. Mind you, these players have been playing since they could sit up basically. Keep that in mind. I also play alto, tenor, and bari sax, clarinet, bass clarinet, bass trombone, and bassoon. I made the Western Massachusetts District Jazz Ensemble on bari sax. I was very, very proud. I'm a member of Westfield High School's Wind Ensemble, Concert Band, and Jazz Ensemble. I teach piano every Friday at The Music Cellar, where I also take lessons with the best teacher ever: Ellen Buoniconti. I plan to play musical instruments for my entire life, especially piano. When I'm rich enough to afford it, I would like a Bosendorfer Imperial, a nine-foot grand piano with 12 extra keys added to the bottom end of the piano. Agh, it's so pretty. I love playing jazz on wind instruments, but on piano I definitely consider myself a classical pianist. I love Beethoven, Chopin, Lizst, Ravel, Debussy, etc. I love everything classical music, especially anything from the Romantic period.

I'm pretty intelligent, and I have a fantastic work ethic. I'm 14th in my class with (approx.) a 97.18 GPA. I'm hoping to acheive top ten before I graduate. I'm enrolled in the most advance classes WHS offers. My senior year, instead of taking it easy, I'm taking 5 AP classes. I'm excited though, 'cause they're fun. I'm preparing myself for a top university, which is why I'm stretching myself out as thin as possible while still having an active social life as well as staying sane. The colleges I'm going to apply to are Brown, Stanford, WPI, UMass Amherst, Johns Hopkins, Harvard, UC Berkeley, Tufts, BU, and Columbia. I recently qualified for National Merit, meaning that I was one of the top 50,000 scores of the PSAT's. I was the only one in my school. My mommy and daddy were very proud. I did very well the first time I took my SAT's (I got a 2020), and I took them again, and I'm predicting an even higher score. I'm also taking the ACT in June, which I am also expecting a high grade.

I love to travel.

I love the idea of love, but I will not be in a relationship anytime soon. I like a lot of people, but I would never pursue a relationship with any of them. They always end up in someone getting hurt. I do want to get married and have kids when I'm out of medical school though.

I would like to major in biomedical engineering in college, with a double major possibly in mathematics. I would like to be a radiologist or an anesthesiologist when I'm older.

I like watching sports. I'm a die hard Red Sox fan, even though I haven't had much time as of late to watch the games. I like the Patriots, and the Bruins. I like watching tennis a lot a lot, my favorite two players being Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer.

I don't play sports, because I'm not very good at them.

I love shopping for clothes. I love Abercrombie and Fitch more than I love my life itself. Whenever I'm angry, I find release in either piano or shopping online at abercrombie.com.

I never get enough sleep, and I frequently stay up late. However, I'll randomly fall asleep during the day. Never during school though.

I love movies. I love books, too, but I'm an excruciatingly slow reader.

I love helping people.
I love editing papers.
I love writing.
I love crying.
I love laughing.
I love my friends.
I love driving.
I love working.
I love jumping up and down for no apparent reason.
I love making new friends.
I love making jokes.
I love analyzing.
I love talking.
I love the sound a keyboard makes when you type on a laptop.
I love Glee and Lost, which are my favorite TV shows.
I love everything about school.
I love my mom more than any other person on the face of the Earth.
I love my dad and my sister and my grandma more than any of my friends, and I love every other member in my large, large family.
I love listening to my iPod.
I love Mayday Parade.
I love Morgan Drewniany and Sammy Clarke, my two best friends.
I love yelling.
I love singing.
I love composing.

Okay, I think that's good for now. New posts will come soon. :)

Une poème qui décrit mes émotions

Life sucks when you dig yourself a hole that's too deep,
And you go down on bended, scraped-up knees,
To beg for forgiveness from the people that be,
The lovers you fell for, and scraped up those knees.

Life sucks when those lovers,
Who right from the start,
Out of selfishness and thoughtlessness, take your cold, lonely heart,
And procede, due to ignorance, to tear it apart,
Failing to notice you're nothing without that ripped-up heart.

Life sucks when the lovers, the ones you hold dear,
Can't see what they do engenders the tears,
That blur your vision, bringing you evermore near,
To those eyes that, for you, have never shed tears.

Life sucks when it's thought that you're sheltered from harm,
In an embrace only found in the lovers' arms,
And that you're safe from all shock, from all surprise and alarm,
Just to find out you can't have the warmth of those arms.

Life sucks when I've done everything, beyond and above,
Enough to think I deserve from you, your delicate love.
But you
Scraped my knees
Broke my heart
Ignored my tears
Closed your arms
And obliterated the future I thought of:
The life of you and me, fingers intertwined, as a couple in love.

Double-yew Pee Eye

So, today, I visited WPI, and honestly, this is an AMAZING school. My friend, Steve, goes here, and I'm doing an overnight with him, to truly experience student life. The dorms are beautiful, the campus is gorgeous, and the food is fantastic. My other friend, Catherine, also goes her. I met a lot of Steve's friends, and I can already tell that I'd make a lotta friends here. I mean, where else can you use two projectors and a touch screen computer, AND watch a game of ultimate frisbee in one day? Apparently, you can at WPI. It's one of the top ranked colleges in the country, and I know I could get in. I came here with it as my safety, and now it's moved up into "regular decision." That's a big deal, guys. ALSO, I have almost no homework to do when I get home tomorrow. S. C. O. R. E.

:)

Everything comes full circle.
Whether it be history or karma.




Oh, how I love life now. I'm discovering who my real friends are. I'm finding where I belong. I'm living life to the fullest. I feel accomplished.

So, this is what it's like to love yourself. I like it. :)

Ya know, it's nice to have guy time. When you're a guy, it's hard to spend all your time with women. It's nice to have a guys night in and just watch a funny movie and talk about things. I need to do more of them. Maybe I'll be less of a bitch if I do.

Come out of your shell, the one that blocks you from the world.

Sorry!

Sorry for not posting--ya know-- consistently. I'll start posting again every other day (at least), hopefully soon. :)

My days are like the weather in New England... Sunny, warm, and beautiful one day; raining, cold, dreary the next.

Crushed. I don't know why. I mean, of course this would happen. Whatevz.

Everything today went right. Everything is all and good in IsaacMcClureland. Andrew has a phone again! So he and I can be best friends again. Just, everything is great. Agh. I love being happy.

New Friends/Old Friends

Sorry for abandoning you lately, my dear blog. I do love you.

Science fair is FINALLY done with. Now I can have a life again.

Anyways, I wanted to talk about love. In all aspects. First and foremost: friends. As of late, I've realized who the true friends are in my life. Damn, I have a lot! I'm sorry to all of those I took for granted, I'll never do that again. Thank you all for being there for me, for whatever ridiculousness that happens to be going on in my crazy life. I've gained back some old friends I lost; God, I missed them.

However, on the second front: Love interests. All I can say is I'm confused. Like, really? Why can't love be easy? The ones I like I can't have. Even though I should be able to. It's annoying. I guess single is just the best for now. Even though I'd be happy with someone in my arms. :/

Oh, and a side note...I got a 98 on my minor in Keenan's. WHAT.

Jeez, sorry for the neglect...

So basically, I've been neglecting this blog because I've never been so busy in my life. Sorry everyone, if anyone even reads this anymore. I really love you all, really, I just need more time to keep this thing up.

1) My birthday: I got a Covey, and my life is so much more organized now. Like, it's kinda sorta ridiculous. I had friends over my house, and we all had way to much fun watching Jennifer's Body, which quite possibly may be my favorite spoof of all time (wait, was it supposed to be a spoof? I hope it was, cause if it wasn't, it was THE worst movie ever made). I got so many Starbucks gifts, it's also kinda ridiculous. I had Districts the day after. All went really well (even though I didn't make All-States the week after, but it's okay, cause there's always next year), and I made some new friends in the process! :)

2) Semi was last Friday, and it was definitely one of my favorite nights, ever. I made two new friends (even though technically I was already friends with one of them, but we definitely got closer). I broke it down to Bad Romance with Nina and Nicco and Sam, and I also DOMINATED the Cupid Shuffle with Katie (oh yeah, we also did the "Katie Albright" all night long; yeah, we're cool). This night inspired severe confusion, which was quickly remedied the week after, with a simple visit to Starbucks with Tara. :)

3) My feelings have been all over the place lately. One day I wanna kill one of my (former?) best friends, and the next I wanna get married to like, seven people. Also, my feelings for a certain special someone are so, UGH. Like, all I've wanted is you for the longest time, and yet again...I can't have you. It's complaicated, but I guess it's for the better that things are the way they are. I mean, I'm happy...most of the time. But I can't help thinking: Would I ALWAYS be happy if I was with you? I think so, but, whatevz. I shouldn't let it get me down.

4) I've gotten a lot more, realistic lately. While I'm still driven by extremely high goals, because I think I can achieve them. However, I know I can't do everything, and if I try, I may actually fail, and end up falling short of the goals I thought stretching myself out so thin would help me achieve.

5) I've bveen extremely self-conscious lately. I've gained weight, I've broken out BADLY, and my teeth's white spots aren't going away. However, I've been using white strips, I've been washing my face A LOT, and I bought a new Speedo Jammer, a swim cap and some goggles to start swimming laps at the Y. Maybe everything will work out.

I've deduced that life is slowly getting better as I keep getting older. Everything seems to be falling into place, and even if it doesn't, I usually know how to fix it. I'm making new friends, I'm getting closer with my existing ones, and even though she's away, I feel like I've never been closer with my best one. :) I'd be completely happy if my life kept going the way it has been. Thus, I hope that nothing goes wrong anytime soon.

*Knock on wood*

Lately I have been having grrrrrrreat days. Midterms have come and gone and those results were goooood. :)

However, a very opinionated, negative post is in the forecast everyone.

I'm glad that the only state I had full faith in let me down. I hate the United States. Why must we suffer under ignorance and the bandwagon? Healthcare is ONE problem, and if that is the only reason why Scott Brown got elected, I can't wait to see all the Republicans (and conservative independents) slap themselves for when healthcare is solved and other problems need to be addressed. Conservatives don't get anything done, they just create problems and resist much needed change. Obviously America isn't working right. And guess who wants to fix that? Democrats. Whatever. Good job Massachusetts for failing like the rest of America.

Wow, I can't believe it's gonna be another year...

Another year gone.
Another year wishing I had her.
Another year wishing for more.
Another year realizing what I have.
Another year of heartache.
Another year of stress.
Another year of travel.
Another year of memories.
Another year of woulda coulda shoulda.
Another year of lost relationships.
Another year of second chances.
Another year of disappointments.
Another year of smiles.
Another year of tears.
Another year of saying goodbye.
Another year of saying hello.
Another year of heart to hearts.
Another year of planning out the future.
Another year of wondering why I'm here.
Another year of successes.
Another year of failures.
Another year of new friends.
Another year of lost friends.
Another year with old friends.
Another year of anticipation.
Another year of apprehension.
Another year of picking up the pieces.
Another year of impressing.
Another year of improvement.
Another year of trials.
Another year of errors.
Another year of new freedom.
Another year of saying, "Damn, isn't life awesome?"

A new year's coming,
The dawn is breaking,
The optimism is overwhelming,
The pessimism is weening,
And I tell myself,
"It's gonna be okay."

Do I deserve to be happy?
To be the top of my class? To have a chisled body? To have a relationship? To have white teeth? To be awesome at piano? To be class president? To go to an amazing college?

I just don't think I do, cause I don't think I'll get any of those things.

Districts is gonna rape me.
At least the transcriptions aren't hard.

Oh, life is average lately. Nothing great. I need something great though. Please, something spectacular. Soon.

So, New York City is officially where I'm gonna live when I'm older. I love it soooooo much there. It's gorgeous. I love the hustle and bustle of the city. I love Broadway. I love Times Square. I love everything about it.

Also, I've come to terms with what's going on. And I'm happy.