Sorry blog, for not writing for so long.

Christmas was good. I got an iPod stereo system, a new TV, a PS3, iPod headphones, games, DVD's (Blu-Ray), books, candy, money, gift cards, clothes, shoes, etc. It was a very fruitful gift year. Oh, and my father oh-so-subtly called the Durango my car. Maybe it was a Freudian slip, but for all intents and purposes, I think I'll be able to use the car whenever I want. :) My mommy got a Chevy Traverse on Wednesday. It's totally ridic and gorgeous, so I think it was a good purchase on their end.

On another note, I've been really down lately. I mask it well, so don't ask about it. I'll lie.

Since I don't deserve to be happy, no one deserves to have me in their life. I do so much good and NEVER do I get any happiness in return. I get stress, tears, and underappreciation. So, goodbye Isaac, hello new Isaac. Hopefully you find what you makes you happy. Screw everyone else.

Well, now I know who my true friends are.

I'm running for class president. I can do it better than anyone else. But I'd rather do it without crying.

Idk

Courtesy -> Slap
Vibration -> Disappointment
Look -> Faster
Hide -> Crush
Write -> Block
Hope -> Fail

I got glasses yesterday!
The look really sleek and chic and totallllllllly fierce.
Definitely a good choice on my part. :)
Oh, and they're D&G.

Like popping a balloon,
All the pressure comes out,
And emits a loud noise.
And everyone winces.

What happened?
I don't know, but I don't like it.
The problem is sly; like carbon monoxide,
Undetectable, like it isn't even there.
But I can sense,
That something is wrong.
The problem is, this time,
I don't know how to fix it.
We act like nothing is wrong,
Going about our (not-even-close-to-what-we-were) normal conversations,
And acting like we haven't changed.
But everything is subpar,
And we can try and talk about it,
And then everything with, "I'm glad we talked about this."
But the tides of time keep pulling us out:
I hope we don't sink.

You know you've had a good day when:

You wake up at 11:30.
Your boss tells you you're the only one with a brain.
You realize that you have 43 dollars in your wallet.
You sing along to Christmas songs with your grandma.
You see a fantastically funny play, written by someone who you know.
Your mom play a total cosmology freak in said play, wearing you much-too-large lightning-bolt-sneakers.
You see the first snow of the season; the day after a day with a high of 67 degrees.
You practice trombone at 9 at night, and play notes you've never hit before almost perfectly.
You randomly get five dollars.
You actually read a book you've been assigned to read for over four weeks.
You take all the unnecessary personal care products you have to look amazing and ACTUALLY use them.
You listen to your iPod on shuffle and never skip a song.

You realize how great life really is, how fortunate you are, how many things you actually have going for you, and you stop feeling like you'll never amount to anything in your life.

Feelings are for the squares
Souls are for the saps
Tears are for the movies
Love is for the naïve
Apathy is where it's at.

I don't mean to offend anyone in this post. Thus, if you get offended, I won't care, cause I have the best of intentions, and I don't want to hurt anyone.

I hate my life.
Sure, I'm smart. Quasi-good looking. I dress pretty okay. I do pretty well in school. I play lots of instruments; okay. I have a lot of friends; kinda.
But nothing about me is great. There's always someone better. Someone smarter. Someone who dresses better. Somebody who's better looking. Someone who does better in school. Someone is more populate. Someone who is better at instruments.
I just wanna cry out to the world:

"Why can't I be the best?! Just one time!"

Not only am I mediocre, but my seemingly-perfect (yeah, even to me) social life is a catastrophe. I pose this question to myself: Out of all my friends, who would still talk to me, without me initiating conversation? The answer is none. My best friend, though I love her more than anything in this world, could easily find the good qualities of me in another person, and she could easily find someone who's a better friend than me. No one would talk to me, if I didn't talk first. Maybe that's just how friendship is; maybe there's no such thing as a true friend. If there is, let me find him/her.

To my own family I'm a disgrace. I'm the imperfection that they always tried to cover. I can't be me. I have to succumb to whatever makes them happy; not what makes me happy. I can't stand the hypocrisy. And that in itself is a paradox; cause I am a hypocrite for saying that I hate hypocrisy. I just, I wanna fix my family's problem. But I can't, cause no matter what I do, they'll never change. It's the way they were brought up. The way they have molded themselves. They can try, but no one in my family has changed for as long as I can remember.

I hate that ALL of my old friends who I would always hang out with don't even talk to me. They talk shit behind my back. I hate them for that.

I need to get away. I need college. I need a new start. I need to recreate myself. Change my life to make me happy. ME. Not everyone else. Me.

I need a best guy friend.
I love my best friend, more than life. But, a guy needs his buds. I need guy time. I need to talk about guy things.

The only problem is:

One of my guy friends isn't serious. Ever.
Two others don't ever open up to me, and stays conceiled.
One is forboden.
One wants too much, and I don't.
One of them is really on an off with how he treats me; too much like a girl.
And all the others I don't talk to enough.

I need a guy best friend. I need one.

Tentative list of colleges...

These are my favorite colleges. Not in order, obv.

Johns Hopkins University
Brown University
Boston University
MIT
Harvard University
University of California: San Diego
Stanford University
University of California: Berkelee
Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute
Columbia University
Duke University
Northwestern University
Case Western Reserve Institute
Worcester Polytechnic Institute
University of Michigan: Ann Arbor

I know I'm majoring in Biomedical Engineering. Yay!

Revelation

I don't measure myself by:

The grades I get
The money I'll make
The college(s) I go to
The amount of service I do
The number of instruments I play
The trophies I win

I measure myself by how much of an impact I've made on this world. I want everyone to look back on my life and say, "You remember Isaac? He was a great kid. I wish there were more people like him." I will stop at nothing to make every single person I meet think that way about me.

Ainci je ne peux pas dis en anglais...

Je rappelle quand nous disions tous les choses. Et quand tu assaies près de moi, just parce que. Et quand tu m'appelais just à parler. Et quand tu aimes actuellement sortir avec moi. Évidement je suis embêtant et il sont mieux que moi (je sais que je ne dis pas ça correctement). J'ai besoin d'un meilleur(e) ami(e). Tu me manques, mais je suppose que je ne te manque pas.

You know what?

I'm done with sympathy. And trying to understand.

I had a great day today. Mostly. And then it went down the drain.

I'm done. I'm so done. I'm not even gonna try to win you back, back to where we used to be. I'm done feeling sad for things that I can't do anything about.

Maybe I'm being ridic.
Maybe I'm not.
But what I know,
Is that I'm pissed. And I won't act like the Isaac you love until I feel like you actually still love me.

I love these kinda days.

You know when you have those days that just start off terribly but in the end they turn out to be almost perfect? Yeah, that kinda days happened today. I loved it.

1.) I thought I failed miserably at districts. Well that may be ture for bassoon, I was wrong about my bari performance. I called PK and he was like, "Would you want an all-state recommendation" (in band terms, that means that you made districts). And I was like, "Wait, why? Did I make one of the bands?" And he was like, "You got the seat for bari in the jazz band." And then I exclaimed, "YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" Oh, and yeah, I did that in a public place, surrounded by lots of people. They probably think I'm a freak. N. B. D.

2.) I spent basically the whole day with Morgan (She's even spending the night! Slumber partyyyyyyyyyyyy!) We went to Natick to see A Christmas Carol in 3D. And it was in IMAX! Oh my god it was so excellent. And we had soooooo many funny moments. Such a good day. Also I got her my favorite Pandora charm ("Key to my Heart"). Yeah, good day.

So, yeah, maybe it was only two great things. But like, it was a good day. Don't judge me.

The tears are welling up.

I need a shoulder to cry on.
One that won't judge.
One that will listen.
One that will rebuild,
What these trials have destroyed.
I've been through too much,
Done too much for everyone,
For myself,
To get shot down,
And regarded as just another boy,
Just another teenager.
I'm not.
And when I get treated that way.
All I want to do is cry.
I need that shoulder.
I can't do this alone.

Idk

Some days I wonder if anyone else is like me. Emotionally. Today I felt on top of the world, sorta. Now I'm in the trench of the unsatisfied, trying to claw my way out back into the world of the content. Everything seems to be bogging down on me. Love. School. College/Future. Friends. Family. Nothing seems to be going right, even though everything actually is. What's wrong with me? I really think I need a therapist. I need someone to sort out these thoughts, since apparently I can't do it alone.

Also, I find myself falling for what's outside the boundary. Maybe it's better than inside, but unless I somehow find myself being compelled by an outside force into the darkness of what's outside my comfort zone, I think I may stay inside; where it's light and I know what lies before me.

Sorry that I've been neglecting you...

So the last week has been craaaaaaaaaazy.

I had swine flu, right? So, I was sick on Halloween. :( Thus, I watched all 5 Saw movies Saturday night and Sunday morning. Oh my god. They're such good movies. As I said before, don't be skeptical about them. Trust me. They're awesome.

The school week was rough. This year is HARD. I only have a 90.1 in Honors Chem. I'm angry. I have an 86 in Jill's, which I'm proud of. But in Papa Lew's I don't think I'm doing all that well. The test that I made up was straight up ridiculous. Sooooooo hard. Like, seriously. I only have a 92 in French IV. What. The. Hell. Whatever, it IS only the first term. And besides, colleges only see final grades. I guess I'll just learn from my mistakes and step up my game.

I got my NHS privileges on Thursday! Yayyyy. I can't wait to go to Mickey D's or Wendy's on Friday. :) Also, I signed up for 10 points on Friday morning! Guess it isn't hard to get NHS points!

Friday I hung out with Andrew and Morgannnn. We went to Friendly's and then went home to watch The Devil's Rejects. I'll get into the specifics of the movie soon. But the night was great, and that's a relief.

Okay, so I watched The Devil's Rejects on Friday, and House of 1000 Corpses on Saturday. Rob Zombie is a GENIUS. Like, the cinematography was amazing, and the acting/writing was pristine. I hope he makes some more movies, cause all four I've seen by him were intense. Oh, House of 1000 Corpses was possibly the weirdest movie I've ever seen. Just sayin'.

Saturday was an awesome day. I got a haircut, slept, and then worked. I worked a really easy 80 person wedding, got sidetracked into going to some firemen/policemen deal in some church in Springfield, then back to the wedding. The people were sooooo nice and the bride and groom gave all of us 50 DOLLAR TIPS. Yeah, that's right. Good day. Good. Day.

Today I'm doing some parade deal for band. Gonna be wicked easy. Thennnnn I'm going to Amherst with Morgan to see her orchestra concert at Mount Holyoke. I'm pumped. :)

SAT update

Got my scores today!

Critical Reading: 630
Math: 690
Writing: 700

Composite: 2020!

I'm pretty happy. I'm gonna take 'em again in January, and hopefully I'll get 700 in everything. :)

Another statistic.

So I've been outta school for two days now, going on three. I hate being sick. Thank god I don't have swine flu though. :)

I can't wait to get glasses. I really want nice frames. Maybe I'll ask my mom to pay for half or give me them as a birthday present. Ugh, I love designer stuff sooooo much.

To all of those cynics who hate Saw..

Frankly, I get SEVERELY pissed when someone says they hate Saw, but they have not taken the time to see all 6 of them. I just got back from the 6th, and honestly, it's my favorite of the Saw series, and probably one of the best sequels I've ever seen. You can't simply judge Saw based on ONE of the SIX films. They all work together to form a network of plot, character, and gore (yes, the essential, infamous factor of these movies) that surpasses all other movies in its category. So I guess what I'm saying is that before you go and condemn the Saw series as unnecessary and excessive, please take the time to watch all of the movies; analyzing the words that the scripts include, the emotion the actors so vividly convey, and yes, even try not to close your eyes during the graphic depictions of torture and death. They are awesome movies. And no one, I repeat, NO ONE, can ever convince me otherwise.

Other than Saw, tonight was, interesting. Even when I definitely shouldn't have, I felt outta the loop, on my own, unwanted. Like, even though I'm a main ingridients in all the nights recipes, I feel like the chef just left me out of the mix to "put a new spin on things" or "mix it up a bit" (no pun intended). I miss what I use to have, but I guess replacement was imminent.

EllOhVeeEee

Silence is deafening
Self-consciousness conquers
With every "heyyyyy"
And every "bby"
Please, God, why?
I'm sick
Literally and firguratively
I need guidance, I need to follow
The right path
I need that extra breath before
I go underwater
I need to abandon this facade
Of apathy, of heartlessness
I want that quickened pulse
I want freedom to succumb to it
I want to fall in the abyss
I want the right one
I want what I want
I want to be loved
I want to love.

About last night...

Tying up the loose ends is nice.
And having all my work done is nice. :)

I love this year. Everything is going right.

Ugh

I'd just thought I'd post saying how dead I really am on the inside due to these stupid Gov't essays. Honestly, Papa Lew? They're turning out great, what I have done anyways. They're really easy. I'm just, dead from all the work though.

I'd give anything for just one more day to work on this.

From this day forward Isaac McClure will no longer procrastinate. I will space out my work, so I don't end up staying up until 2 AM doing stupid papers.

So, I'm sitting here with Nina, procrastinating...

Yeah, so I'm supposed to be typing my AP Government and Politics papers right now (well, not even typing them, I'm in the planning phase; wow, I suck at life). So, I'm with Nina, and we're just chatting about the German exchange students, how AWESOME pomegranate limeade is, and wondering where the hell Alyssa is right now.

I love Nina's HUGE projector screen. It makes Chicago seem even better than it already is. And it makes procrastinating even easier.

I really like, these essays aren't even hard. I can probably write them in like, two hours. But for some, reason I just don't want to. So I'll put it off until the last possible moment.

Now we're watching YouTube videos. YES.

And then we're gonna watch Chicago. Double YES.

I'll post more lataaaa.

Umm,

I can't stand when my mom interrogates me. Like honestly, I'm a frickin' awesome kid. Better than the vast majority of people. I'm in a ton of clubs, I'm an avid Christian, I'm top five percent of my class, I'm planning college a lot earlier than I should be...do I need to name more? I'm so sick of it.

I turned in my NHS stuff yesterday? I'll tell if I made it or not. I think I did.

I've been loaded with work lately. I hate it. I hate staying up late, but whatever. I just keep reminding myself about Johns Hopkins...

So this weekend.

Friday: Through spontaneous action, I had tied up some loose ends, drank some Mountain Dew, and went to bed satisified. Confident. Relaxed.

Saturday: SAT's. Already wrote about them. Went home, tried to sleep, failed. Tried to work on Keenan work. Failed. Went to Starbucks with Julie and Hein, and tried to do work. Failed. Cheechy, Glor, Kaela and Jessa met us there. Went to Tara's play. Fantastic. She was awesome. It was nice seeing Nicco. Tara wants us to be friends. Working on it. Went to Applebee's after. Saw Marie Hannoush. Love her. Met up with anouther German exchange student, Marie. Has great shoes, and good style. Wicked pretty. Lots of fun, memorable quotes. Went to Julie's. Cheech's car broke down, so she couldn't go. Watched funny videos (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zipbWRj_C8c). Drank Pomegranate Arizona tea. Played Piano with Marie. Watched SNL with Jessa, Julie, Marie, Hein, and Gloria. Left Keenan work in Jessa's Jeep. Didn't realize till Sunday. Gloria took me home at 12:20. Went to bed relaxed. Excited. Hopeful.

Sunday: Freaked out about work. Wanted to quit more than I want to go to college. Went to work. Talked to my boss. She said it'll all be alright, cause wedding season is over. Worked eleven hours at a class reunion. Wanna be older to go to my class reunion. Good work day, easy. Had lots of fun. Went home late. Went to be relaxed, accomplished, okay.

Monday: Picked up Morgan, went to Grandma's, Agway, and Starbucks. Watching Fight Club at home. The rest will be posted when it actually happens.

God, I loved this weekend.
Hopefully life will start to be like this a lot more often.
I like being happy. Completely, undeniably happy.
Happiness seems to be accentuated by the sadness one feels. When something goes terribnly, another thing goes really well. You go from feeling like your world is going to implode to feeling like your world is a utopia.
And now I ask, is this just what life is? A series of a distorted roller coaster rides that test your emotions and rewards you with euphoria?
This weekend, I passed the test, and I was rewarded.


:)

SAT

So the SAT went pretty well I think.
Predicted scores:

Critcal Reading: 650-680
Math: 700-720
Writing: 700-750

Composite: 2050-2250

Hopefully I'm right about my scores. I'll post them when I get them. :)

Frickin' SAT's

Oh my god. Honestly, I'm freaking out soooooooo badly about the SAT's. I did soooo bad on my practice test today. Granted, I did have A LOT of distractions, but still. Oh my god oh my god oh my god. How do I expect to get into Johns Hopkins with less than a 2000? Agh, I need to get a 2100. I need to. I just, I need to. I should be able to get a 7 frickin' 50 on math. I don't know what holds me back. I know all the answers. Critcal reading really gve me a run for my money, since I've never gotten higher than a 610. I want at least a 650. I think I can. Writing isn't an issue. I just, need to think logically and don't flub over ANYTHING. Agh, I need to let my OCD kick in. So basically, I want a 750 in math, a 650 in English, and a 720 for writing = 2120. Oh, I just wanna be amazing at something in my life. Let it be the SAT's.

Glee!

Glee is AMAZING. Honestly, the music is awesome. And the casting is perfect. I loved the cameos of Kristen Chenoweth and Victor Garber. Ryan Murphy really hit home with another series.

Now I can't wait for Nip/Tuck, which is also on Wednesdays (right after Glee!). It'll be a Ryan Murphy Wednesday!

Oh my God...

I want these so bad.




They're green Skull Candis, and I want them.

Home sick

I hate staying home, sick. I hate missing school. I'm gonna DROWN in work tomorrow. At least it's Wednesday, my one day off of my crazy life. I have an SAT course at night though, online. So all my work will have to get done before that. I hate being sick. Ugh.

So, about Keenan's...

I got a 77 on my minor assessment. Considering the average of the two AP English 11 classes (about a 70), that's pretty good. I have an 87 in her class. YAY! I hope that I have an A for my full grade in that class. I'm sure I will. I love rhetoric. So much. I love Language. Out of the five DIDLS, I love diction and syntax. I'm good with those two. It's imagery, details, and language that I have a problem with. I think that I may ask Jill to stay after with me and do some exercises. I hope she goes for it...

Today sucked.
It rained, an I worked in the rain for ten hours. A tent collapsed on me. I spilt coffee on someone.

Andrew is pissing me off so much. Honestly, I tell him, and he just doesn't get it. At least I have Morg. (I'll give you all a detailed account of all my best friends, at some point.)

I came home and did nothing. Great.

The Big E

I love the yellow slide. The mini donuts. The Mardi Gras beads. Everything about it. What I don't love is having no time to do homework, thus being forced to stay up late. Ugh.

So excited for tomorrow. Can't wait to hang with Evannnnnnnnn!

Yay for the Big E!

So I get to skip F and G period (gym and AP Gov) to go to the Big E. Yaay!
I'm running on five hours of sleep. Not yaay.

Buuuut, it's nbd. I'll just do the same tonight. :(

(P.S. I'm trying to coin "jsyk." It means "just so you know." Use it!)

Well,

I'm sorry that I'm starting this blog off with a boring post.

But,
Frankly,
I'm tired.

I was up doing a lab report. My first lab report. Ever. For Honors Chem. Let's hope I get a good grade.

I'll post more tomorrow. I promise.

Nighty night.