I don't mean to offend anyone in this post. Thus, if you get offended, I won't care, cause I have the best of intentions, and I don't want to hurt anyone.

I hate my life.
Sure, I'm smart. Quasi-good looking. I dress pretty okay. I do pretty well in school. I play lots of instruments; okay. I have a lot of friends; kinda.
But nothing about me is great. There's always someone better. Someone smarter. Someone who dresses better. Somebody who's better looking. Someone who does better in school. Someone is more populate. Someone who is better at instruments.
I just wanna cry out to the world:

"Why can't I be the best?! Just one time!"

Not only am I mediocre, but my seemingly-perfect (yeah, even to me) social life is a catastrophe. I pose this question to myself: Out of all my friends, who would still talk to me, without me initiating conversation? The answer is none. My best friend, though I love her more than anything in this world, could easily find the good qualities of me in another person, and she could easily find someone who's a better friend than me. No one would talk to me, if I didn't talk first. Maybe that's just how friendship is; maybe there's no such thing as a true friend. If there is, let me find him/her.

To my own family I'm a disgrace. I'm the imperfection that they always tried to cover. I can't be me. I have to succumb to whatever makes them happy; not what makes me happy. I can't stand the hypocrisy. And that in itself is a paradox; cause I am a hypocrite for saying that I hate hypocrisy. I just, I wanna fix my family's problem. But I can't, cause no matter what I do, they'll never change. It's the way they were brought up. The way they have molded themselves. They can try, but no one in my family has changed for as long as I can remember.

I hate that ALL of my old friends who I would always hang out with don't even talk to me. They talk shit behind my back. I hate them for that.

I need to get away. I need college. I need a new start. I need to recreate myself. Change my life to make me happy. ME. Not everyone else. Me.