Wreck

Lately, I've been such an emotional wreck. It kills me that I'm never the best. I'm always second. It's such a slap in the face.

I hate when people put me up on this high pedestal, saying that I'm "amazing" and "talented" and "awesome." I'm not. I'm not great. I'm not even good. I'm only, adequate. Seriously? I'm sick of people comparing themselves to me. Live on your own. Who the hell cares if you got a better grade than me on a test? Who the hell cares if you were accepted to something I was rejected from? Besides you that is.

I'm gonna change from now on. My senior year will be the best of my life. I'm gonna tell it like it is. I'm gonna figure out who my best friends are. I'm gonna figure out what makes me happy. I'm sick of pleasing other people. I'm sick of people taking advantage of how nice I am, and how friendly I am, and how I won't retaliate. To all of you who take advantage of me in any way, shape or form, I would like to give you a bit of advice: beware. Things are changing, and you won't get away with that shit anymore.

I need to find what makes me happy. I'm sick of feeling like I'm not good enough. I'm sick of crying, especially when it isn't provoked.

I'm sick of the way I live life now...
I need to change things.